Popcosmo

a blog for everyone and their mothers

a little nervous, but all will be ok

Chloe Gordon

Lately, I’ve been struggling with anxiety of the future. For my entire life, up until this point, I haven’t had to question what the future would be like. I knew that fifth grade came after fourth. I knew that high school would definitely come after middle. I knew that once I got into college that I would be there for the next four years. But as my senior year is coming to an abrupt end, I’m scared. 


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I’m scared I’m going to graduate without a job. I’m scared that I’ll have to depend on my parents longer than I should have to. I’m scared that I won’t know where to live. Honestly, being scared of so many things is making me scared that I’m losing myself. I’m usually a person that goes with the flow, that doesn’t really think too much about the future, that knows that things will work out. And right now, I’m not that person and I hate it. 

I was talking to one of my favorite professors the other day about all these thoughts that I’d been having lately and he said, “Chloe, I know it sucks, but people like you are the ones that are going to end up being ok, because being scared is what drives you to succeed.”

And then I took a deep breath. And now I’m less nervous. Still nervous 1000%, but definitely less. I have no idea where I’ll be five months from today, but I just have to keep reminding myself that that is exactly what life is all about — figuring it out as you go. 

thanks for reading
xox
chloe

dear god it's me, chloe

Chloe Gordon

In my typography class we had critiques on a recent project that we just completed. The project was actually showcased in one of our town’s museums which was an amazing experience. You could say I’m a ~real~ artist now. Just kidding. 

But anyways, during our critique one of the girls in my class stood up and shared a story about her piece. On her piece she had tidbits of negative pieces from her journal throughout her years on Earth. 

I thought the fact that she chose only the negative lines to be fascinating and then I started thinking about myself. When I was home over Thanksgiving break I found one of my old “diaries” that literally contained three written pages of the 200 pages it was as a whole. These three pages that I actually wrote were negative things that happened during my senior year of high school. Mostly about boys. I found it super interesting that I only took the time to write something when it was negative. Do you think we (I) don’t write positive things in our (my) lives because we’d rather feel them again, and by writing them down we think it won’t? Or do we mostly write negative things to help us mentally understand what makes them negative? Or to look back on and realize how far we’ve come? 

I think there’s something enchanting about finding raw writings from the past. I always say I’m going to write in a journal but I can never manage to keep writing longer than for what seems like  three days. Anyways, I’ve been in a little mental funk for the past few days and I know the feelings will pass, but as a creature of habit I am sharing that I’m having these negative feelings / perceptions because they too will pass with time.

Also, here are a few pictures of my art installation if you’re interested. 

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thanks for reading
xox
chloe

inspired

Chloe Gordon

You ever get so inspired that you feel like you’re walking on a cloud? Like some weird air of confidence is surrounding you? Well, today it happened to me. I’m not sure how long it’ll last but I just feel my creative juices flowing. I’m excited about applying for jobs, I’m motivated to make my homework the best it can be. I’m just pumped. 

This mood was kickstarted by a coffee date I had this morning with my cousin. Well he’s my mom’s cousin, so I guess that makes him my second cousin, but regardless, we’re some kind of cousin. His name is Andy and he’s been in the business that I want to go into for about 20 years. He knows what he’s talking about, his work is extremely impressive, and I really trust his opinion. We sat down for a few hours and talked about my work, my life, my thoughts on the future, and he just left me feeling inspired. I think there’s something extremely important about sitting down with someone you respect in your field and just gaining insight from their history and path. I know this wasn’t quite a “networking” meeting considering we’re family, but I think if you’re nervous about the whole “networking” idea, push yourself to move outside your comfort zone and just go to coffee with someone you respect. You’ll leave feeling inspired, I promise. 

thanks for reading
chloe