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Conquering Self Doubt

College, RANDOM STUFFChloe Gordon

I’ve always known that I want to do something creative with my future. I don’t know exactly what this creative thing is, but I know I’m not cut out for being something conventional like a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. It’s not in my DNA, I thrive on being creative. 

However, this past semester, I started to doubt myself. I started wondering if maybe I’m not as creative as I thought. I started questioning my originality and my ability to think outside the box. It got to be so bad that I stopped pushing myself. I stopped trying new things, I stopped thinking creatively. I suppressed my “weird” thoughts and feelings.

I think I started to doubt myself because I stopped trying new things. I felt trapped in this bubble of repetitiveness. Wake up, class, eat, sleep, and repeat. I felt like I was in this cycle of never ending boringness. 

Every once in a while its so important to break the cycle and get out and do and see new things. 

A few days ago, during the first big snow of the year, I forced my friends to drive up to the mountains and take pictures. We’ve been to this spot before, but I needed to get my creative juices flowing and experience the beauty of nature with my friends. 

And you know what? That half hour of being creative and outdoors was just the wakeup call that I needed. I’m back to myself, and that’s how I know I’m not pursuing the wrong path. I’m doing the right thing with my life and future and everything is going to be fine and workout just like it’s supposed to.

Thanks for reading! 
xox
chloe

how to survive a frat party

CollegeChloe Gordon

I just finished my first year of college and now that I have a lot of lazy days until my summer job starts, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. I went into college knowing absolutely nothing. I don’t have any older siblings and didn’t have that many older friends to ask about the whole thing. I was kind of thrown into the college deal, but honestly, going in blind was an absolute blast. I had to learn a few things the hard way, but, for the most part, I wouldn’t trade my first year for the world. 

I decided to start a little reflection series talking about what I learned from my first year. 

The first reflection that I want to write is about how to survive frat parties. I basically didn’t party at all in high school. I went to a few things here and there, but for the most part I was content staying busy with my school work, sports, and family. I didn't feel like (and still don’t think) I missed out. 

However, I attend a “party school.” I’m not really sure what that even means, but my family members always drop those words when they are reminded where I go. I mean there are definitely parties every weekend and for every occasion. Let’s just say it’s not possible to be bored on the weekends at my school. But I definitely learned a few things and want to share a few solid tips (at least I think they’re solid) in a few categories. If you wanna know more information or have any burning questions feel free to leave them in the comments below! 

CLOTHES 

+obviously you wanna feel cute / look cute but don’t worry too much about what you’re wearing. It’s usually too dark to notice plus the people are going to be too drunk to care. I usually wore a pair of jeans or leggings with a cute (but cheap, usually) top. just make sure you feel comfortable and confident, that’s all that matters! 
+wear shoes you don’t care about. I pretty much always wore my converse. they’re gross now, but I can easily wash them and they’re easily replaceable. 
+the floors are pretty much always disgusting so make sure you don’t wear something that drags on the floor. 
+don’t wear your favorite jewelry. if it falls of, there’s not way you’re going to find it (or even want to, the floors are GROSS).
+don’t cary a purse, it’ll get spilled on or lost or just be annoying. the only things I brought with me were my phone, my key card to swipe into my dorm and room, and sometimes I’d bring like $5 for pizza or something. that’s pretty much all you’ll ever need.
+if there’s a theme, dress to theme. it’s fun and makes for a cute photo. don’t care what other people are wearing at the party, you and your friends all dressed up will be super fun and memorable. do it. 

DRINKS 

+the most important thing you need to know is that you don’t have to drink. no one cares if you’re drinking, not drinking, etc. as long as you’re positive, nice, and fun to be around no one will care or even notice.
+if you do drink, do so responsibly. I usually drank in my dorm room before so I didn't have to drink at frat parties (not that you have to drink). 
+if you do drink at frat parties, drink from cans or bottles that you have to open yourself. don’t take a drink from someone else, even if they’re drinking it themselves. you don’t know what they’re drinking what they’re into, or where they got the drink from.
+if you feel awkward for not drinking, just put some water in a solo cup. you might feel confident sipping on something, plus there’s nothing wrong with staying hydrated. i’ve totally pulled this trick more times than you’d think. 

BOYS 

+boys are dumb, that’s the biggest thing. 
+talk to as many boys as you want, but don’t trust a thing they tell you. boys lie at parties, so do girls, but boys are the biggest liars. 
+they’re all mostly after one thing.
+at the beginning of the year I went out with a lot of boys, but they have a lot of trouble getting into frat parties if they’re not in it. I stuck with them at the beginning of the year, but towards the end of the year I knew that if my girl friends and I were going to a frat party, our guy friends probably couldn’t come. if you do want to go out with your guy friends find a house party or just do something else (house parties, in my opinion, are more fun anyway)

FRIENDS 

+stick. with. your. friends. 
+make sure you know what everyone’s motivations are for the night. if you’re going out with just one friend make sure you talk before the party about how you have to stick together the whole night. no woman left behind. if you’re going with a group, do the buddy system or whatever. just make sure no one is left alone. 
+if you’re not having a good night and want to leave early, that’s fine. just don’t walk alone and make sure you tell your friends where you’re going. uber or lyft back to your dorm and keep your friends posted all the way until you are tucked safely back in your bed. 
+parties are a great way to make friends and get to know people. I met so many people in my dorm at parties. I also met so many people in my classes at parties. sometimes a party conversation can lead absolutely no where, sometimes it leads to a familiar face that you just say hi to on campus, but sometimes it can lead to awesome friendships. don’t be shy, everyone loves to be chatty and get to know people at parties, that’s the point. 

I guess the moral of the story is have fun, but still be safe. It’s all common sense. Don’t be dumb, stick with your friends, have fun, don’t trust drunk boys, and get to know people. Sometimes the parties can be like the movies, and other times it’s just a low key kinda deal. Go where the night takes you. 

If you enjoyed this post, let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading! 
xoxo
chloe

my college essay

CollegeChloe Gordon

One of the hardest parts of the college application process is writing the essay. THE essay of your life. The essay that, in merely 500 words, describes you, your personality, and your life. I can’t even begin to tell you how many drafts of my essay I have. All of which are completely different, might I add. Because I’m going to college this coming fall (have I mentioned I’m going to college this coming fall??), I decided that I would share my college essay. Not because I think it’s amazingly well written and creatively processed, but because I think it would have been nice to see other people’s essays before I wrote mine. I was so desperately in need of seeing what an actual college application essay looked like, but to no avail. So if you’re a rising senior in high school and currently creating drafts upon drafts of essays, I’m your heavenly angel from above sending you an ounce of love by showing you mine. 

But no judgements allowed, thank you. Unless it's a good kind of judgement. 

Anyway, here’s my essay: 

My high school career has been one for the books; some might view it as a failure, but I choose to view it as taking the unconventional path. Five years, three high schools, two cities. Maybe unconventional is an understatement. I had never imagined my life to be so… different, but sometimes different is a good thing. Being different has allowed me to see the world from a new perspective. It has allowed me to better understand new situations in my life and around the world. I have become more open minded due to my “failure” to have a “normal” high school career. 

    Before my high school years became so weird, for lack of better word, I was stubborn. I thought that the world revolved around me, and I didn't think that anything could bring me down. I was fearless, and stupidly naive. Then I became ill with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). And the world changed. It didn’t change for the worse, but it changed, and it became this completely new place… I started to see people differently; I became more understanding, patient, and open minded. I was also to discover my love for graphic design and photography. So maybe I “failed” to stay healthy, but in my mind I won.

    But what even is failing? Sure, I can look in the dictionary and find that it means “a weakness or a shortcoming,” but what does it really mean? It might mean that you can’t do something that everyone else can do, but the word fails (pun intended) to mention what you can do. For example, one might fail to follow a juice cleanse, but maybe this same girl discovered her love for Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in the process. The word failure, to me, is a huge fail within itself. 

    No, my high school education isn’t “normal.” Yes, I am “different.” But I feel like this difference makes me, well, me. This so called failure has opened my eyes to a different world.  A world where every person has a story that should be heard, a world where positivity is important, a world where I can be myself without worrying about what other people think. Becoming ill created, what felt like, an insurmountable road block and caused me to take a detour to a different path, but this path has Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and graphic design. So tell me, who failed? 

So maybe I’m crazy for sharing my college essay with the world, but what the heck. If your essay is available for reading, please let me know because I’d love to read it! 

Thanks for reading!
xox
chloe